Should i get pregnant???

i want to know whether or not i should get pregnant. maybe 18 is young, but i love babies and children, and i just dream of the day i hold my son or daughter in my arms. see, my problem is that i am lonely. all my friends moved, and my best friend died. and all the world seems to care about is "who he slept with," "how wasted we got," "how high she was," etc...it makes me sick. i really don't even want to be friends with ppl anymore. i don't want to deal with all their shallowness and stupidity. i feel that a child would be wonderful. i wouldn't have to "care about the world." it would just be me and my child. i am very responsible and mature. i already have $12,000 saved up. so, i need advice. do you think i should get pregnant? if not, what do you think i should do? i mean, i really look forward to raising a child, through good and through bad. I won't be saying goodbye to the crazy teen years b/c i never even said hello..i've had to grow up very early in life. now what?

Should i get pregnant???
Hello there dear. I was not going to respond to your question but when I read the answers that you had received I just felt that I had to. I don't think that anyone who has answered you has really understood what you are saying.


I also wanted to tell you how ridiculous the ones were that encouraged you to adopt a baby. That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard! They don't think you should try to raise your OWN child but they think that you should try to raise someone else's child! Don't they know that many young women your age put their baby up for adoption to save it from being raised by a young teenage mother!! Then they think that you would be allowed to adopt a baby? What are they thinking? It is true that it is legally possible for a single woman to adopt a child in this country but it would take an unusual situation. The woman would have to prove that she had the financial resources that a couple would normally have ( she would have to be well off, either independently so or with a career that paid extremely well) she would have to adopt an older child probably with a disability of some sort. Believe me, adoption agencies to not stand there and hand out newborn babies to any young girl who walks up and says she would like one. That advice is ludicrous and I have a feeling you are smart enough to know that.


The suggestion that you get a job working around babies is not as bad. That might actually be a good idea. Being a nanny would pay well, the fringe benfits are pretty good and you would have the chance to spent a great deal of time with a baby. At the very least it would give you a good idea whether or not it was what you really wanted. It would also give you some wonderful experience.


I also wanted to tell you that having a man in your life is by no means a prerequisite to having a baby. It is true that they can be a wonderful support system sometomes but then so can a mother or a good friend, or your family for that matter. Husbands are notorious for being jealous and in general causing more complications than they solve. They can however provide the financial stability that is so necessary for raising a baby.


You have NO idea how expensive the needs of a baby really are. I know that $12,000 sounds like a lot of money but when it is being used for living expenses and for taking care of a baby it would be eaten up so fast you would be amazed.


This is my advice to you.....find either a job or some volunteer work that puts you in close contact with babies or a baby. Try that and see if it does not fill up the need inside of you a bit. In the meantime, GO TO SCHOOL! There is no reason in the world why you are not in school at your age. That is where you belong. Believe me, you will never be sorry! There are wonderful financial aid programs for young women to go to college. Do you realize that if you meet the requirments you can literally be paid to go to college? You can have your expenses taken care of and you can go to college full time. Work toward a degree in Early Childhood Development if that is what interests you. Four years from now you can have a degree that you will always be proud of! Then if you want to have a baby you will be more than ready and you will only be 22 years old! That is still young by any standards.


Please think about what I have said. Getting pregnant now is not the answer. You would have to involve some guy and he would muck up your life with his demands and his wants and needs. You are single and free right now. Enjoy it! Make the most of it! Go to college and learn all that you can. Then when you become a mother you will have the knowledge and the experience to be the mother that your baby really needs and deserves.


You have time, do not be such a hurry. Life will unfold to you just the way it is supposed to. Don't be in such a rush.


Take care honey and I hope I have been able to help at least a little bit.


Love and Blessings


Lady Trinity~
Reply:OK...umm, I'm 19 going on 20. I'm in school. I live on campus. And I'm scared as hell!!! I don't think that you should have a baby simply because you love babies and that your lonely. I'm not married to the father of my child, and by the looks of it your not married either, which makes it even harder for a woman. My baby was not planned, so don't think that I got pregnant just b/c I was bored on Saturday night! I've your going to have a baby make sure that you have a TOP OF THE LINE support system (family and friends). That's what's making my pregnancy easier for me, knowing that I have people that are here for me no matter what. And not to mention that the father of my child loves me very much and vice versa. Plus his family as well as my own do what ever they can to make sure I'm (as well as the baby) are or. So if you want to have a baby, I'm not trying to stop you, but I DONT want to to get pregnant and resent you baby.
Reply:"i love babies and children"





So do I. That is why I work with them; however, doesn't mean I am ready for them.





"my problem is that i am lonely. all my friends moved, and my best friend died. and all the world seems to care about is "who he slept with," "how wasted we got," "how high she was," etc...it "





A baby isn't going to bring negative issues to positive ones. The problem is you are lonely and seeking what you are missing. What you are missing isn't going to be found in a baby.





I have noticed the world seems to care about how many babies they can have before age 21. Majority of my old high school friends have 3 children, going on 4 and they just turned 21. Either single, married or divorced. Marrid or divorced twice in some situations. Some live on a 15,000 income while others live on a 30,000 combined income. Some college experience, others barley getting their degree and some just have their diploma.





"i wouldn't have to "care about the world." "





You will will. You still have to know where you are living, who you are around because now your child will be living there and being around those people.





"do you think i should get pregnant?"





Are you married?


Have a good paying over $10 full time job?


College eudcation to up hold the job and carreer changes?


Medical Insurrance? What type?


Roof over your own head, not living with parents or friend to friend?





Ready for babysitters when you want to go out or go somewhere alone (which you will realize how much "me time" truly is).





There is a lot to raising a child more than just love and 12,000 (which you better have more).





You can make a great mother. You will know when it is time to have a child when you are not asking strangers a personal decision only you can decide.
Reply:Please don't get pregnant until your married, or in a very committed relationship, one where you both will be mentally and physically able to take care of a child. Instead on having a baby, i know your still having these cravings of wanting one, why not volunteer at a daycare, or become a nanny. This way you will fill the void of having a baby, and also experience what its like to have a child, to better prepare yourself for the future. You sound like a very smart person, but you have an entire life ahead of you, go to college, and become a success for your future baby, good luck to you!
Reply:I feel exactly the same way.. in everything you've said!!!! But you know what? I've realized that having a baby is very very important and that I should be able to assure him a good life.. I agree with the first answer, why don't you try to join a big brother / sister institution, stay there for like 2 years while you learn very important things about kids, get experience on child development, and work hard while you are doing that. When that time passes by, then thing if you are ready for a baby, if you think you are, go on!!! Thats cool, but if not, at least you experienced some great things with kids. If you are very desperate of having kids, why don't you go to an adoption center and adopt a little baby? I'm sure he or she will appreciate all the love you have to give, really!!!





Good luck and I hope my answer helped you!!!
Reply:i agree with you about teenagers.. im 19 and feel the same way.


i ALSO really want a baby, but i wouldnt have a baby until i had a full time job and steady fiance or boyfriend i guess.


good luck though
Reply:you should keep dreaming go about 22 + i know from experience
Reply:no, you should'nt have children like that. if you want one so badly, adopt one. then when you're ready and with the man you love, have more chidren with him.
Reply:well..





adopt a baby..





there are plenty of children out there with no parents..





go to an adoption center..





or join the "big brother/sister club"





if ya like children.. then i sugguest those..
Reply:WAIT.


trust me i love kids %26amp; babies so much.


and i thought i was ready to have one at 18.


now im 20 and my life is hell.


i love my son so much but i feel bad that his father is a dick and i dont have alot of money to get him the things he wants.
Reply:Being lonely is no reason to have a baby. If you already feel isolated, having a baby will make it worse. You will not be able to socialize with people your age, you will not have a partner to help you raise the baby and it sounds like you may have clinical depression since you say that you don't have any urge to be around people. A pregnancy can really aggravate depression-controlled or not.





You sound like a mature woman who is just starting out. Raising a child is wonderful, when you have a loving husband and are ready to have your life not be your own. Remember that a child will NOT give you unconditional love as you will give to that child. Newborns are sweet and cuddly- and cry all night, and are a lot of work for two parents and a HUGE struggle for one. If you are exhausted all the time from having no help, you will not be able to enjoy the nice times with your little one, and that is not fair to you or to your baby.





Since you have had to grow up so much in life, it would be unfair to yourself to force more maturity at a young age. You can change your situation, you have a fair bit of money to get you somewhere you will like more. Go to a Community College and get at least an Associates Degree in something to help get a better paying job. You may meet some people who behave better and talk about things that are mature and more interesting to you. They are out there, you just have to know where to find them.





You sound like you will make a great mom someday, just allow yourself some time to be you, away from your parents and enjoy the world. There is a lot out there for you to experience and then share with your baby later.
Reply:get married first then have the baby


that way if u need help u could ask ur husband...
Reply:Move and start a new life in another town. It sounds like that would be a welcome change, based on your story, and the change would be less permanent than having a baby.
Reply:WELL DONT RUSH BEING A MOTHER, I KNO..... IM 13 AND DUE FOR A BABY BOY IN APRIL. JUST MAKE SHURE YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND THE RESPONSIBILITY AND MAKE ENOUGH MONEY FOR YOU BOTH TO LIVE COMFTERABLY.
Reply:no! omg , do not do it. you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. If you are lonely then get a job ,find a church group or something.if you're still feeling that way you need to spend you're saved money for a therapist. i have so many friends our age (18 - 19 ) and they have babies calling me crying because everything is so hard . they're not married so the dads just do whatever with whomever and its just really hard. and as for the $12,000 you've saved , it's not even a beginning. You need that just for half the hospital stay. If your child has any alergies or infections, bumps or hopitalization. all the money you have saved is down the drain. plus the cost of living and housing. and then after all of that you have college(i hope you want to go too,but thats almost impossible with a baby) raising a child always looks like fun on the brady bunch. Its not in real life. you have temper tantrums,fights,language issues, and then theres their friends. If you think its hard to live in the world right now, imagine how you will feel about your child being raised in this world. You cant even handle it yourself so you're definately not ready to give advice to your child. You cant have a baby because you need someone. You cant depend on the child. It depends on you. My advice is to try being a parent before you do this. I'm a live in nanny . This way i take of children everyday ,but i can get experience before having them. I suggest you do the same. I also get to live somewhere else so i have a completely new friend group since i've moved states. Just type in the word nanny on your search engine and you'll see theres a lot of people looking for long term nannies for infants. A lot of times you end up raising the kid like your own.
Reply:Well a baby is a lot of responsibility. So if you think you can take care of a baby on your own and pay for it's medical bills, food, clothes, get a job, pay for daycare for your kid while your at work, pay the medical bills for you when your pregnant, get insurance for you and your baby than go for it.