Whaty do u think of this story?

C’est La Vie!





Dear Reader(s),


I have dreamed this magical story filled with powerful magic, romance, comedy %26amp; an unsure girl who becomes the greatest hero of all times! So. . . I must also warn you that this story is also filled with dark magic and a dreadful and cursing prophecy. And yes I really did dream this dream; I was so crazy about when I was having this fantasy told to me through my dreams! Now the most important thing I must tell you . . . you must think that dreams are nothing but escapes from the horrible world, right? Wrong. Dreams are not only goals to achieve but also to referrer back to the past. Now I leave you in this state to chose to read this or not (but if not you’re missing a heck of a story!)C’est La vie!


Sincerely,


Diane Alatorre





Our story starts in an apartment house of 3 living people. . .





“Mom . . . can I go running? Please,” Dianne said. ”No,” she said. “Why not! Come on! Please,” Dianne yelled! “Fine. Go, but be home by 6!” she said, as Dianne ran out of the house.





Now, you must know that Dianne is a track runner and she needs to practice. And the person she is talking to is her mom!





All seemed all good until Dianne came to a forest . . .





“Ummm. . . I want to go exploring, running is boring when you’ve been there all ready,” Dianne thought! “What’s this,” she thought? “There’s a main trail back to the house but . . . now that wouldn’t be fun,” she thought!





Thus, Dianne took the other forest trail, but the main one would have took her back home and all well. But she chooses the trail that had a map of the trail and when the red chalk fades away . . . well we don’t know!





As Dianne is running, someone is watching her run so fast that this watcher is bewildered! “This is so cool! All the trees look like they are so old,” she said! Soon Dianne hears some cracking by some trees, she runs faster, and then an old, brown-looking tree root is moving towards her, but she doesn’t notice it and soon enough she fell down and she yells!”Ooph!” “Oh my god! I can’t get this thing off me,” Dianne yelled! The root is crunching her ankle and Dianne looks up and sees a black carriage coming towards her and behind it a pack of bears! By now the creature (or as Dianne says it a “thingy”) is coming out of the carriage and is now by her, holding a black needle! The next thing she sees is a boy jump out on between her and the black creature (and if you must know Dianne thinks he is hot)! And behind him is also a pack of wolves! The wolves decoy the creature and the bears. “Are you okay? When I release you, you must not stop and run towards where you came from. And don’t come back! Ever,” he said! “What,” Dianne said puzzled?? “#$@%%26amp;*%$#,” he said! And then there was a white shining light from his hand that somehow let the root to break away from Dianne’s ankle! Stupid Dianne shoots out not even thinking where she is going and she runs the opposite way!! And not once she looked back! (At least she did something right!)And she left the hot guy, the wolves, the bears and the creature. (She was happy to leave the bears and the creature, but not the guy and the wolves! Sad Dianne!) All she did was find a corner covered by tree branches and she put her knees up to her chin and waited there until she fell asleep.





Okay I’m thinking” why would she run the other way!?” well out of confusing she ran because who wouldn’t run when a shadow “thingy” comes towards you and the “hot” guy says weird words! Gosh give her a break!





“Hey! Wake up! Why did you run the other way, dumb-butt?” the guy said, after he found her due to a long search for her! He shooked her. Dianne woke up. “What,” Dianne said?? All of a sudden a rush of questions filled her and soon she was bursting them out of her mouth like a shot gun. “Who’s that creature? What’s the black needle? Why is he a shadow instead of human? What are the words you said that made that white puffy light?? And who are you,” Dianne yelled!? There was an awkward silence until the guy said,” You know too much.” “Wha. . .,” Dianne said but she didn’t finish her statement due to him piercing her neck and falling unconscious. Dianne fell in to the guys arms.” Someone emerged from the hidden bushes. Why did you do that Prince Damien,” his advisor said? “Because Tor if you must know I don’t want another innocent person getting hurt by something that they didn’t even do,” Damien said! “So . . . what are you going to do now,” Tor asked? “I’m going to go deep into the forest and lock her up with my magic forever,” Damien said humorously! “What! No you can’t do that not at this time . . .,” Tor yelled! “Relax. I won’t do that! All I’m going to do is return her to her place and she won’t even remember a thing,” Damien said. “Fine. But I don’t want to catch you wondering around the forest . . . or the human world!”





Yes you are excited and yes he is a Prince (or shall I say Prince Damien!). And Tor is like his special buddy to like help him out on important stuff like . . . now!





And both Dianne and Prince Damien set out for their “small” journey back home to the “human” world. . .





“Soren,” Damien called! An old grey white wolf appeared and bowed. “Yes.” “We must hurry and get to the human world at once and bring 12 of our bravest fellows.” “Yes, Prince.” As Soren came back with 12 other wolves and a knapsack, they were ready to set off. “Good-Bye Prince! Hurry back and be home, our people need you,” Tor yelled! And the Prince merely waved backed and smiled. Once they were deep into the forest Damien spoke his first word since they left. “Soren I must tell you because I hate lying to you and I trust you enough to keep a white lie. We are not going to take this girl home . . . well we are but not the way we planned it,” said Damien. Soren kept quiet. “There are 2 ways to get to the human world, the one we have chose is a shorter version of the one I plan on taking,” Damien explained. “And why are we doing this, taking the longer trail,” Soren asked? “When, I saw this girl enter the forest, man she ran so fast I could hardly keep my eyes on her! Well I dunno, but when I touched her ankle something happened, Soren I saw this light that shined so brightly that it hurt and it was gone. It was similar to our magic, Soren,” Damien said. “That can’t be true. The only person outside our world with the same power as us is . . . ,” Soren said bewildered. “Yes. Our princess and the prophecy have finally come. I think,” Damien said. “And if she is I want to earn her trust and if she isn’t we shall still take the trail and erase her memories at the end. Simple as that,” said Damien. “Okay, Prince but I must warn you; you are endangering us and the girl.” ”Don’t worry, we have our finest warriors with us after all and our power,” Damien said proudly! “Yes, Prince.” And they rode down until sunset where they started to look for a place to rest for the night. “Prince huff, huff I found a huff perfect place to huff to rest,” said one of the wolves. “Lead us towards it,” Damien said. And they followed the wolf to an area with thick trees surrounding a circle of flat ground. Once they got there every one of the 12 wolves was busy preparing the area. Removing logs, gathering twigs, building a fire, and preparing the food. Damien got off of the horse and left Dianne on and led the horse to a stream near by. “Man I hope this is the girl. My people have suffered through many unforgivable events and still they refuse to leave our kingdom,” Damien said to himself. By the time he and Dianne got back to the area, everything was cleaned and it hardly looks like they were sleeping outside! The fire was a brilliant color of a mixture of reds, yellows, and oranges. The food smelled like they where cooking up a feast! But the only thing Prince Damien wanted to was to wait ‘til he found out if Dianne was the girl. So Prince Damien didn’t eat and he went to sleep with Dianne in his arms.


Dianne woke up to the sun shining in her eyes. She also notices that there are arms across her waist and she panics. “What happened!? How did I get here? And who are these arms around me,” Dianne asks quietly to herself. She slowly turns around to see Damien sleeping like a baby and Dianne turns around and looks around. She saw the same old wolf she did last time. . .” What time is it,” Dianne yells, but a silent yell! Dianne managed to get 3 large logs and puts them in Prince Damien arms and crawls until she sees the wolves surrounding the only way out of here! All 12 wolves are in a little circle all together and Dianne is tip toeing out of there with every little space where a tail or a head isn’t in the way, and she toke her last step then finally she gets to the other side! ”Yes!” Dianne yells a little too loudly! Oops! And Dianne giggles and runs into a slow jog away from Damien and the wolves (again)! Dianne soon finds out that she doesn’t know the heck where she is going! “How do I get out of this place? Somebody help me,” yelled Dianne!! And an unexpected someone answers! “I will help you little girl,” said someone in the trees. And Dianne is suddenly pushed up against a tree and she sees the creature is holding her against the tree!! She yells,” Help! Aahhhhhh!!” And back at the camp site Damien woke up faster then ever and woke every one up and he ran to Dianne! The shadow is now away from her talking but she is still trapped by a branch that he somehow put around her! “He keeps on blabbing on and on about this prophecy and I really don’t care! How did I get involved in this?” “How’s it like that you die at once when I put this needle into your neck, princess?” He said. He was now up by her shoulders. “What? Princess? I’m no princess!?” Damien saw Dianne in plain view and he was running towards here when he fell down. “Who did that?” “Sir, don’t be alarm. We must wait now,” Soren said. “Wait! Are you kidding me? I have to save her!” Damien gripped! Soren was mad now. “If you really want to know if she is the princess then she will show her powers when she is helpless! You wanted to know and heres your chance. Just wait,” Soren said angrily! And so they moved to a tree to watch Dianne to “show” these powers of hers. “So how’s about it, princess, want to die at the touch of this needle,” he asked again? “What! Nooo,” Dianne yelled! But it was too late he was reaching for her with that needle and well Dianne didn’t know what happened but she said some weird words like Prince Damien said and there was a white light that came out of her hand (just like Damien’s) and the shadow was on its knees! Then the shadow said some weird words too and Dianne went flying and hit the tree with her back and she went unconscious. But before that she remembered that the shadow left and that Damien was there to break her fall to the ground.





And Dianne reveled her true form and releasing her powerful powers and putting herself in Damien’s head that she is the princess they have been looking for has arrived.





When Dianne woke up she thought she would be in Damien’s arms once again but instead she was leaning on a tree and she saw a change of clothes that shined with gold and beads of silver also a arrow pointing to a hot spring and there was a letter from Damien:” Take a bathe, and I brought a pair of clothing for you too and after I’ll be waiting outside. – P.Damien” Dianne had not noticed that were was a tent that was covering the hot spring. “Might as well” Dianne said.” I reek of tree moss and I small like none other!” So Dianne peeked inside and to her eyes this hot spring was so amazing! Steam rose up from the hot water, the water was so clear; you could look at it as a mirror instead of a pool of hot water! While Dianne was in the hot spring, someone came in. It was one of the wolves? “Who’s there?” “Don’t worry it’s only me,” the wolf said. The wolf went over to Dianne and lied next to Dianne (not in the water!) “It got so boring out there; all they ever talk about is who runs the fastest or who catches the most hunt of the day! I’m so sick of it, so I came in here to get away from their “boy” talk. Do you mind?” said the wolf. “Wait . . . you’re a girl?” Dianne asked. “Well, duh. I would kill myself if I was too be compared to those boo-zoos out there,” she said. “Sorry. I almost forgot to tell you my name. I’m Skylaeth.” she said. Then too get away from the boy talk Dianne and Skylaeth talked about girl things. Like hair or fur for Skylaeth, and the life at the palace (Skylaeth again!)”Wow! I haven’t talked like this in such a long time,” Skylaeth said! Then Dianne remembered the note ‘P. Damien’ left for her! “Oh. I have to hurry ‘P.Damien’ said he was waiting for me outside! I probably took so long he went to sleep,” said Dianne in a hurry! Skylaeth watched as she got dressed and fixed her hair faster than any girl (or wolf) in her life! “Who’s P. Damien, Skylaeth?” Dianne asked. Skylaeth looked at her in such a dumb look, Dianne stopped and asked what. “Don’t you mean Prince Damien?” Skylaeth answered. As Dianne was leaving she didn’t here her answer, but once she ran out she bumped into someone or . . . something. Dianne had a flashback of her attack earlier that day and she saw that awful shadow gripping the needle close to her neck and saying,’ How’s about it princess want to die?’ Remembering the shadow that attacked her, she let out a gasp and she let out a little scream when the “thing” grab her wrist and struggled to settle her down. Skylaeth came running and she stopped instantly when she saw who it was. “Sorry, sir.” She said and backed off. Dianne was surprised and she too turned her head and she also saw who it was. The (hot) guy that saved her 2 times! Prince Damien. “Well, you can show such weird entrances huh Dianne?” he said. Dianne was blushing by now. “Sorry. I thought you were that ugly shadow that had me earlier.” Damien surprised said,” Don’t worry you don’t have to worry about him no more.” Dianne didn’t say another word out of embarrassment. She followed him to a small tent and she went inside and saw a table (set for two) with a pot steaming. Dianne forgot that she didn’t eat for 2 days! And once she saw that pot steaming she went crazy! She sat herself and started eating!! Damien startled said, “Ummm . . . you can eat after you answer some questions, okay?” As he took her hands and motioned them away from the bowl of stew. Damien motioned Dianne to the other chair without any food inside the bowl! And he moved the bowl in Dianne’s former chair so that he could sit. Dianne just sat there embarrassed. “As I was saying, you can eat after you answer some questions, okay,” Damien said. “Okay.” Dianne answered. There was a long and heavy silence. “Is he going to ask me questions or not. Because I have a few of my questions too!” Dianne thought to herself. Dianne was the first to speak. “Who are you,” she asked? Damien looked up and said, “I’m Prince Damien.” Dianne’s mouth went open! “A Prince, a prince!! He’s a Prince!” She said in her mind! “Dianne we can’t waste time . . .,” he said. “Wait! How do you know me and I don’t even know you,” she asked, interrupting him. Damien looked at her with a straight face, “You said your name while you were sleeping.” “Oh,” Dianne said embarrassed. Dianne remembered that her family and even friends tell her that she sleep talks. She blushed. “Dianne as I was saying, we can’t waste time we have to learn what makes your power appear.” Damien said. “What. I have no powers.” Dianne said. “Oh yes you do. Do you remember what happened before you went unconscious,” he asked? Dianne sat there and thinked about what happened earlier. “I remember the tree . . . the shadow guy, and then I saw this pretty bright light came from no where.” She answered. “And do you know where the light came from, Dianne,” he asked? “Ummm... from the tree?” Damien chuckled. “No. Dianne the light came from you.” “No. It couldn’t have come from me. I probably farted or something because something made you see things!” Dianne said. Damien was laughing now and he let it out! “Ha, ha, ha, ha! No, Dianne. I’m sure it came from you. Ha-ha!” He laughed! “What! It wasn’t me!” Dianne said! “Okay, Dianne, then I’ll show you,” Damien said as he got up and went over to Dianne and went behind her and reached down to her left hand. “Now think what you where feeling when the shadow came close to you.” “Like emotions?” Dianne asked. “Yes. I need you to feel like that the way you were and just let it out but with your power.” “I don’t know if I can.” She said in despair. “Just try for me.” Damien said. Dianne blushed. “okay.” She answered. Dianne was scared and felted lonely, cold, and hopeless when she made contact with the shadow. Dianne was now filled with all her bad emotions, she was thinking of past memories and then she started to cry. “I’m ready,” she said. “Okay. Now just let it all out in our hand.” Damien said. There was a moment of silence and Damien was staring at Dianne’s hand when he saw a little blink and it was gone. Damien turned so that he was facing Dianne. Her face was all scrunched up and her eyes were closed and she had a tear. Damien laughed so loud that the wolves outside could hear it clearly. “HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!!!” He laughed. Dianne loosened her face and saw Damien laughing. “What! Did I do it?” she asked? Damien shook his head but he was still laughing. “All that came out of you was… peek!” Damien said as he put out one of his hands and the other hand, he made a finger go in the middle of the first and he said peek again! And he kept laughing and Dianne sat there looking at Damien trying not to laugh and then she got mad and she ran out of the tent. Damien saw her and he went running after her. “Wait! Dianne! I didn’t mean it!” he yelled. “NO! If you really didn’t mean anything by it then you wouldn’t be laughing for 5 minutes nonstop!” Dianne yelled. Dianne fell to the ground and put her hands to her face and started to cry. Damien finally cached up to her and he kneeled next to her. “I’m sorry, Dianne. I really didn’t mean it, I swear.” Damien said apologizing. “How am I supposed to be this great hero if I can’t even show my power? I can’t do this! How did I even get mixed up in this mess?” Dianne said to Damien crying. Damien pulled her closer and he put his hand over her hair and rubbed it over and over again. “It’s okay. We will learn soon and you will master your power.” Damien said. “Dianne. Dianne? Dianne, hello?” he said. He pulled her away from him but still his arms around her and he saw that she had fallen asleep. Damien carried her back to the camp area and he and Dianne went to sleep.





Yes, a lot has happened. Let’s get a run down of what happened! Meet Skylaeth, had dinner with Damien, tried to show her power and failed! Also had an argument and got it resolved!





Dianne woke up next to a tree leaning into it. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she saw Damien Packing the white horse that they left on and he saw her looking at him and he walked over to her. “Are you ready? We are leaving soon,” Damien said. “Oh. Yes I’m ready,” Dianne said as she got up and dusted off her skirt. Dianne walked slowly over to the horse and she still remembered what happened last night. Dianne hopped on the horse and Damien took the harness and led the horse. They rode in a heavy and awkward silence. Both of them wanted to speak something to each other but they didn’t know what to say. It was almost mid-noon since they left and Dianne grew tired and fell asleep. And then Soren broke the silence. “Prince Damien can I ask you something?” he asked. Damien looked at Soren for a moment. “Sure.” Damien answered. “What are we going to do now?” Soren asked. “What?” Damien said bewildered. “About the girl. We know that she is the princess but what do we do now?” Soren asked. Damien didn’t answer for a long time and then he said, “I dunno, Soren. If we bring her back to the palace, what are we going to tell everyone? And if we do we have to train her and all the fame she will have she won’t even have a second to train.” Damien answered. “It’s like we have to hide her until the battle and that won’t be right.” He added. Then all of a sudden the horse whined and went on 2 legs and throw Dianne in the air and she woke up and screamed!! Damien ran to catch her and he made it in the nick of time. Dianne opened her eyes and saw Damien holding her. “Are you okay?’ he asked. “Uh… yea. Thanks,” Dianne answered. And she suddenly got off of Damien and started to walk to the horse to calm him down. Damien just stayed there thinking to himself. “Why did the horse get all jumpy all of a sudden? Did something scare him?” Damien asked himself. Then in the corner of his eye he saw something swear in the bushes. The shadow. He turned towards Dianne. “Dianne get away from the bushes!” Dianne turned and then Damien saw something snatch her up and carried her off. “Soren! Hurry up and get the wolves. Dianne’s in trouble!” he yelled. Soren got the wolves and while he was doing that Damien ran as fast as he could to catch up with Dianne and the Shadow. Dianne didn’t know what grabbed her but she was afraid. “Are you ready princess?” someone asked. Then she remembered that gloomy and eerily voice that threatened her last time. She knew who grabbed her, the shadow. Then Dianne was thrust against a tree. The shadow had put his arm against her neck and Dianne was grasping for air. Damien was still running towards Dianne %26amp; the shadow. “So this time princes I won’t let down my guard.” He said. And then he took her left hand and put it behind her back. “Are you ready princesss?” He hissed. “Nooo! Stop, Please!” Dianne yelled. But like last time the shadow took his time with the needle, but this time he took out the needle and he didn’t say anything. And quickly put the needle by Dianne’s neck and then he saw Damien and he pierced Dianne and the shadow retreated and Dianne fell to the ground paralyzed. Damien finally caught up and saw Dianne paralyzed. He kneeled next to her. Dianne’s eyes were closed. “No-no, no. Dianne wake up .Come on wake up.” Damien said as he lightly slapped Dianne’s cheeks and lifting her up to put her up against the tree. Soren came along and he also saw what had happened. Soren came closer to Dianne and he picked up Dianne’s hand and licked it. “She is not dead, Prince Damien.” Soren said. “Really? Most people die right after they are poked with the shadow’s deadly needle.” Damien said. “She must be strong … or her magic protected her just a little for a possibly that she may survive.” He said. Damien looked down at Dianne. “I know one thing for sure that she has to get back home. Damien said. “Then I shall erase her memories and I shall only leave her dreams of this journey and if she ever comes back . . . well then she will come back of only curiosity and wanting to find out what these dreams mean. And if she does go father than we are now then we shall start from there.” Damien added. Then he picked up Dianne and got on the white horse. And he and the wolves rode on in silence. But instead of following though on the long trail Damien cut through some trees and bushes and found the short trail. “Is she going to be okay?” Skylaeth asked Soren. “If we get her back to the human world in time, then maybe if the rumors are true that they have better medical treatments than us then she shall live. This needle poke is deadly to us and to the human world it is like… a simple cold.” Soren answered while Prince Damien wasn’t paying attention. When they finally reached the end of the forest trail or where Dianne first runs in, Damien stops the horse and he’s preparing to erase Dianne’s memories. As Damien looked down at Dianne he saw that she was all tense and at that moment Damien said the same weird words again, “@#$%$%26amp;*$#@$.” The same white light came out of he’s hand and then after a moment Dianne was sleeping but still hurting inside. “Skylaeth, you and her were good friends?” he asked. “Yes sir. What of it?” Skylaeth said. “I want you to stay with Dianne for a few days just to make sure that nothing happens.” He said. “Okay sir, but I’m a wolf and in the human world they don’t see wolves just anywhere.” Skylaeth said. “True only if there was a way to like hide you... we could change you into a dog Skylaeth is all right?” Damien asked. “Anything for Dianne.” She said. “Good.” Damien said and at that moment he said the same weird words and then Skylaeth transformed from a shiny grey wolf to a bright red fur colored dog. Her beautiful grey fur changed into a glossy red fur and it shined in the sunlight. “Ready, Skylaeth?” Damien asked. “Only I and Skylaeth can go into the human world, sorry guys.” He added. “Okay, Prince Damien, but please be careful.” Soren said as he and the other 11 wolves bowed as they crossed over to the other side. “Ummm… do we know where she lives Prince Damien?” Skylaeth asked. Damien slapped his face and said, “No. Dam.

Whaty do u think of this story?
I can see that you put a lot of thought and hard work into this! Keep it up and continue having fun with it! :-)





First of all, if you are going to get a publisher to look at your material it must be easy to read and understand. Second, what you write has to "grab" a reader and then keep their attention.





I don't know if Yahoo Answers gave enough room to separate this into paragraphs--however, it would help the reader keep up with the story.





Beginning a new paragraph is a way to show that a different person has started speaking. This helps the flow of the story and gets rid of many extra words. (i. e. Bob said, Jane added, Bob answered, Jane asked.)





The other thing that will help is to keep the tenses the same. i.e. "Someone is watching her" (present tense) when the rest of the story is in past tense. It should read "Someone was watching her".





Also, please choose a variety of words instead of using the same word over and over. I'm specifically referring to this section:





“Ummm. . . I want to go exploring, running is boring when you’ve been there all ready,” Dianne thought! “What’s this,” she thought? “There’s a main trail back to the house but . . . now that wouldn’t be fun,” she thought!"





These should be enough for you to work on for now. Keep polishing %26amp; it will get better! :-)





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Reply:no one will answer this since it is so long.
Reply:Are you kidding? I am not going to read all of that!
Reply:kay well i really didnt ffeel like readen all that but i hope u have fun writen all that...
Reply:very nice
Reply:i say leave the crack pipe alone and get a job
Reply:how the heck you could write this long? i thought they put limitation on how many words you could put in. anyway you gave me headache!
Reply:Puff, puff, give!! lol!!! Didn't have time to read it ALL, but reminds me of Disneys Alice in Wonderland...TRIPPY! As some others also said, you seem like a good writer, if you're interested in that?
Reply:kool
Reply:I think that this was a powerful story and that you should be proud if it is your own. I understand that dreams are powerful things that do have everyday meanings no matter how obscure they are. Try thinking about what has been plaguing you recently and I think there you will find your inspiration. Good luck
Reply:WOW! I want what you're having. Make it a double...Kes


(Other than needing a little editing, I enjoyed your stream-of-conciousness reporting of these actual events.)